


Incapable of Letting Things Go

by Merrydith



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fanfic Request, Fighting, Fluff, M/M, Mention of sex, Merrydith, Moving, Old memories, Sickness, Tumblr, Unpacking, Unrequited Love, Vomit, Worksofphiction, anonymous, stomach flu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 09:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merrydith/pseuds/Merrydith
Summary: When you live with someone for as long as Dan and Phil had, every object retains sediment that can't be thrown away. Especially if you still feel some sort of way towards the memory or the thought the object represents. It pained Phil to watch Dan chuck things that still held so much sediment to him. Letters in green envelopes and CDs that contained songs like “Interrupted by Fireworks” and “Toxic”. Phil winced when Dan crumbled the drawing he had done for Dan when his Skype microphone broke that one time. He hoped Dan didn't notice his overly eager offer to take the trash out, solely to fish a few of these objects out. Pressing the objects to his chest, he'd sneak them away into a box of his own and call it a good deed. Saving the memories of their relationship because Dan wouldn't do it himself.But what happens when Dan comes across this box and Phil feels like he's about to throw up?





	Incapable of Letting Things Go

**Author's Note:**

> An Anonymous Tumblr Request!  
> (See tumblr for prompt: http://worksofphiction.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this never happened.
> 
> Reading Time: 0:41:42

  
  


Dan and Phil's relationship was iconic. It had been since the start and in order to keep it that way, they had an amazing connection that everyone knew was unbreakable. None of their fans or friends could even dream about replacing the other half of the duo. The Universe had obviously molded them to be best friends and they basked in their luck of finding someone so perfect and complimentary of their semi-wayward personalities.

Of course, with relationships come problems. But the _best_ relationships were the ones that maintained the best communication. And with Dan and Phil, this was a hurdle that took a little while to perfect.

When they met, they had every intention on becoming a couple. And some could say that they had. The Skype calls said it all with the flirty promises and courageously bold smiles. Dan was young and Phil was young at heart, which led to some long nights of touching and experimenting between the both of them in person. They never defined it, however, the label of “just friends” was long passed and it was clear that they were something else entirely. Phil didn't ever worry about the label because Dan and Phil were clear with each other about what they wanted by sharing little pecks on the lips and caressing each other in the same bed at the end of the night. It was so easy and natural to be together back then.

But it was a year later when Dan realized things were apparently moving in a direction he wasn't ready for. It came out of nowhere and Phil was shocked when he used their label-less terms to his advantage and their little thing suddenly halted. Phil barely blinked before they were using their separate rooms that they only paid for “just in case” and Dan had completely shut Phil out without saying a single thing.

“Give it time,” Phil's close friends told him, but time only brought cold shoulders and distance that seemed to only increase between them. Phil was heartbroken but the younger boy's happiness was the real object of Phil's interest and if he was happy being friends, then this was what needed to happen.

But regardless, Phil wasn't okay with a friend who couldn't communicate with him and he had to make sure this wouldn't happen again. With their relationship _or_ with their friendship. His heart was too sore from Dan's disappearance starting in 2010 and he knew Dan didn't even know he had done such a crime. So after two solid years of contemplation and forced friendship, his heart had scabbed over enough to say something. He sat Dan down in 2012, much to his dismay, and finally explained that they needed a label of _some_ kind. Phil explained, with as much detail as he could muster without completely sounding a fool (even though he thought he was totally justified), that what Dan did was hurtful and kind of cruel. Dan just sat at their table with his arms crossed over his rising chest as he listened to Phil go on about their shared past, his face remaining still like a marble sculpture – void of all emotion.

After a painful thirty minutes, Phil had finally relayed all he needed to say – pretty much everything but the fact that he'd been in love with Dan since day one – and he stopped to let Dan fork over his input. But Dan just sat up, uncrossed his arms and looked him in the eyes saying “Phil, we've always just been friends. We've never been anything more.”

And here Phil thought maybe Dan had loved him once upon a time.

Dan stood and walked from the room with not so much as a handshake as if he had permanently forgotten how close they had once been, the dripping knife in his hand leaving a trail from Phil's heart to Dan's closed bedroom door. And from that day forward, Phil shoved those feelings deep beneath his skin. Somewhere Dan couldn't manage to claw through and expose on the daily. A testament to how time had done nothing but bury their fuzzy love.

Luckily, Dan was at least somewhat rational. As long as it had nothing to do with their relationship, he was completely complaint with Phil's wishes. Their communication improved. So much in fact, that at first Phil thought that maybe Dan was being petty. Coming to Phil to ask about things instead of just doing them like he always had and talking through some of his emotional issues without lying horizontal on the ground where Phil wouldn't know what to do with his platonic flatmate for hours at a time.

Their friendship followed exponentially and with each issue they talked through, they became closer and it became easier to support each other. Dan almost seemed to appreciate the extra support – something he probably thought wasn't possible in a friendship. After all, Phil was his first real best friend. Sooner than later, the two became the standard for internet duality and the staple for ideal relationships in the Youtube community. Phil wasn't with Dan in the way he wanted in the beginning, but he didn't mind because at this point, he was the only one that could know Dan the way he knew him and that gave him some sort of twisted satisfaction. Short of Dan's own psyche, Phil was confident he knew his brown haired companion better than anyone _could_ know him.

But that left Phil with a guilt that he couldn't explain. Sure, Dan had flat out broken his heart and since 2012 they hadn't brought that up, but he _had_ gotten better. Dan had consciously tried to improve their connection with his openness and even the fans noticed his personality unfolding and his true self becoming evident. Some days it felt like maybe Dan was doing it to make up for the pain he had put Phil through. As if he could fully register it and its effect on Phil's life. Everyday, Phil would smile in Dan's direction when he thought about how far he had come. He had gone from the eighteen year old that couldn't hold his own, to the confident man that Phil still called his best friend. However, Phil couldn't take credit for being an influence when he was the one that possessed the biggest dishonesty between the both of them. His unrequited love was never spoken of but it was always there and Phil laid in bed at night praying that perhaps one day Dan would realize that what he had done to Phil all those years ago was a mistake and take it all back.

He knew Dan loved him, but not in the way he wanted. In every other way, Dan was a kind hearted human and he appreciated Phil for what he did – both present and past. Phil was too, which was why he wouldn't dare blame Dan for what he did when he was still a young, undeveloped mind that relied on Phil's presence to sort through his own existential self discovery.

But every day Phil thought about Dan in his arms all those years ago. The longing for this contact had never been stronger and with Dan's new “touchy” demeanor, it seemed it was within reach. Like Dan was holding the fruit of his desires above his head and then calling it “friendship”.

  
  


Moving had been hard because when you live with someone for as long as Dan and Phil had, every object retains sediment that can't be thrown away. Especially if you still feel some sort of way towards the memory or the thought the object represents. It pained Phil to watch Dan chuck things that still held so much sediment to him. Letters in green envelopes and CDs that contained songs like “Interrupted by Fireworks” and “Toxic”. Phil winced when Dan crumbled the drawing he had done for Dan when his Skype microphone broke that one time. He hoped Dan didn't notice his overly eager offer to take the trash out, solely to fish a few of these objects out. Pressing the objects to his chest, he'd sneak them away into a box of his own and call it a good deed. Saving the memories of their relationship because Dan wouldn't do it himself.

But why? To add to the shrine he kept in his closet along with the skeletons, that just collected dust and reminded him of something he could never have? To let them stand as a constant reminder for how much he's lost? Sure, he had the real Dan and at least they were moving in with each other again. Dan was nowhere near independent enough to move away from Phil. But Phil felt like every morsel of their romance was being left behind in their London apartment that they decided on buying as a unit.

Now those boxes still sat in their downstairs lounge where Phil had left them. So many boxes filled with objects that Dan and Phil were supposed to leave behind. Of course, not all the boxes belonged to Phil. Some were Dan's. Things that didn't fit upstairs just yet. Objects his parents had given him that he couldn't excuse throwing away. A big box of sheets that he wasn't currently using and some Guild Wars merch that didn't fit in his room's aesthetic.

Why hadn't they unpacked them? Well, let's face it, both boys were lazy and it wasn't high on their priority list. They've been busy. But secretly Phil couldn't bare to open those boxes and sort through the few memories that were left, all the while, staring at Dan and pretending they evoked a separate emotion altogether.

The boxes probably would have stayed there for a while as well if not for the company they were expecting to have.

Well. The company _Dan_ was expecting to have.

Dan had a couple of University mates that called and asked to come see their new place once they got wind of their move and of course, Dan with his pride and secret desire to prove he's done something with his life, agreed to let them stay for a few days. When he came to Phil about it, Phil was actually pleased because sometimes he worried about Dan's social outreaching skills and although his motive was to show off, these were still friends that Dan used to call dear and Phil approved of them.

All but one, that is.

One of Dan's University mates, Jonah, was a man of many talents. He could simultaneously flirt with Dan _and_ shun Phil at the exact same time. All the while, pretending like he was doing neither of those things. Once upon a time, when Phil was still worried about Dan and whether he and Phil were exclusive, he worried about Jonah and how close he chose to stand to Dan when they all hung out. Phil wasn't the possessive type and without a label, he couldn't do much, but Jonah surely knew how to challenge him.

At that time, their rule of communication was not in effect and Phil didn't dare mention that he wasn't particularly fond of Jonah, especially because Dan didn't have many friends to begin with and Phil wasn't about to be the reason Dan lost one. Not to mention, they weren't exactly exclusive and Phil had no right to say anything. Phil figured he'd won back then and it didn't matter that Jonah was throwing himself at Dan because Dan never reciprocated.

But things were different now. After all these years, Jonah was reappearing in their life and Phil hoped he had made enough of an impression back then that maybe he would keep his distance. That is, if Jonah was done playing his stupid games. Because this time, Phil didn't have the place to fight back.

  
  


“So, Phil, we're going to clean up these boxes before Thursday, right?” Dan asked, poking Phil in the side after their episode of Game of Thrones ended. Phil glanced over at the pile in the corner and sighed. They didn't usually watch their shows down here, but Dan had just finished filming a video and Phil figured he'd bring the party to Dan instead of waiting upstairs for his friend to finish.

“Yeah, sure. Wanna do it Wednesday night? Cause you have your liveshow tomorrow?” Phil compromised, shoving a few pieces of popcorn rejects into his mouth from the bottom of the bowl they had been sharing.

“Right, right.” Dan nodded. “Wednesday is good.”

“Cool,” Phil confirmed, reminded suddenly of Jonah's face and trying to hide the grimace.

Dan yawned and stretched, leaning his body into Phil's lap, laughing and poking at Phil's chest.

“Besides, most of those boxes belong to you anyway, you hoarder,” Dan teased and flashed Phil a full smile. Phil looked down at his face in his lap and wished he could lean down and kiss it. But instead, he just smiled down and poked Dan's nose.

“What, are you afraid that your uni mates are going to think you're living with a slob?” Phil snarked in rebuttal. “How do you think they'll react when I tell them that it's you who makes most of the mess around here?”

“They'll say that you're a liar!” Dan sat up and crossed his arms. “Because you are! Who's the one who leaves their socks all over the place? And your contacts on the tap? And the cupboard doors open?”

“Okay okay, maybe I _am_ the slob,” Phil admitted, not trying to have the roommate shaming conversation again. “I promise, I'll help you clear them out.”

Shortly after that, they broke apart and headed to bed in order to get rest for the next morning. They had a couple gaming videos to make and edit and they couldn't slack off if they wanted their weekend free for guests.

  
  


When Dan Howell got stressed out, he was notorious for getting snappy and sort of short with the people around him. This was a well known fact. Not just by Phil, but by most of his subscribers. In times of stress, Dan was the one to lash out and overreact to things with loud noises and dramatic exits. Phil got to experience these reactions first hand and it was one of the many reasons Phil was always cautious with his friend after a particularly bad day. Once Dan was set off, there wasn't much hope and it was easy for him to snap at Phil for something that wasn't even close to his fault. A flaw that Phil had become used to over the years.

When Phil Lester got stressed out, he got sick. He either lost his voice or he got something minor that caused his nose to run and his lungs to hack up various fluids. Sadly, usually it was Dan's stress that caused Phil's and on a very very bad day, it was an almost inevitable chain reaction. Once Dan shut down, it was up to Phil to clean up after Dan's tornado of a tantrum.

Wednesday was rough. They spent the morning editing a video for their gaming channel and once they were nearly completed, their computer froze and the entire file was lost. This didn't happen very often, but working with digital media was somewhat of a risk when it came to reliability. So they had to re-film the entire episode and re-edit it.

This would piss anyone off and Phil was admittedly kind of peeved, but he wasn't stressed until Dan started yelling about it. There were several problems with their camera while they were filming the second time and by the end of their re-shoot, they couldn't even use the footage anyway because Dan was super irritable and the banter was largely one-sided. Of course, Dan blamed Phil and his editing skills and he stood abruptly after hours of re-watching it to go take a shower in an attempt to calm him down.

During Dan's shower was when Phil felt the shift in his stomach. The one that was usually associated with a glass of milk. But Phil had drank no such milk and he rubbed it a little, ignoring it and promising himself to take an anti-acid later.

Dan was no less salty when he came from the shower an hour later. His hair wet and his face frowny. Phil still thought he looked cute, but of course he wouldn't dare say something like that right now – _or in general_.

But that hour had been enough time for Phil's stomach to invite a wave of uneasiness that was making it difficult to focus on anything at all. He knew that Dan and Phil were supposed to spend the night cleaning up the living room, but at the current moment that seemed nearly impossible.

But of course, with the stress that Dan was under, it was his first priority. He would stop at nothing to make sure their bottom level was clean for his guests.

“So are we going to clean now, or what?” Dan asked, his tone was harsh and his eyes dark. Phil knew that even a mild stomach ache wasn't going to get him out of this task. He hoped to God it didn't get worse and that this would be a painless process.

“Yeah, sure. It shouldn't take long.”

“I mean, with as many boxes _you_ have, it's going to take all night,” Dan snarked. “It's a wonder I'm even offering to help.”

Alright. So it was going to be _that_ kind of night. The kind where the two were forced to be together for some sort of important task, yet one just wanted to be alone. Being work partners with your best friend had some ups and downs. The worst part, by far, was working together when one wasn't in the mood. It made for difficult conversation and it isn't as fun when your working partner is throwing shade at you at each opportunity. Especially if that partner is Dan Howell.

“Don't worry, it'll get done,” Phil's words of encouragement were an attempt to ease Dan's stress, but it didn't seem that Dan was feeling very susceptible to Phil's calming techniques tonight.

“It better,” he mumbled, heading downstairs for Phil to follow. Phil rolled his eyes once he knew Dan couldn't see him and then he got up from the place on the couch he was laying. Much to his stomach's protest, he quickly made his way downstairs.

  
  


Phil was doing his best to avoid the painful boxes. The ones that had memories stuffed to the brim. Instead, he tackled the box of Halloween decorations and Christmas lights. He fished through and got up multiple times to put something in it's rightful place. Whether that was in a storage closet or another box in Phil's room, it was getting done slowly. Dan was almost finished with a box of Guild War stuff, fishing through and trying to find an arm that had fallen from one of his figurines.

“God Damnit.”

Phil looked up.

“This fucking arm.” This was the first time Dan had spoken in about an hour and Phil was hesitant to respond. He decided against it because how does one even respond to the mumbles of the distressed? “Why haven't we put these boxes away sooner?”

Now that was something Phil could respond to.

“Because we're lazy,” he answered, not even pretending to lie about the real reason. Dan didn't even look up, but his smirk said that Phil should tread carefully.

“Well we should have taken care of this earlier. It's late and I'm going to be tired tomorrow. We have company,” Dan argued, his arms crossing over his chest. Phil was just about finished with the box he was unpacking, so he dumped the little pine needles from the wreath he just removed and flattened the box.

“ _You_ have company,” Phil said, his tone revealing his bitterness about the situation. He didn't want Dan to sense that he was getting annoyed, but it wasn't his fault that it was slipping out. However, Phil didn't even want to think about what would happen if Dan had a meltdown right now so he kept it subtle. “It'll get done.”

Dan said nothing and Phil figured it was a good enough time to go put the remaining Christmas stuff in the closet, so he stood and wobbled to his feet. His stomach growled loudly but not because Phil was hungry. It was churning the contents inside – the last being a sandwich he had made himself before the re-shoot – and growling angrily at Phil's choice of activity. Phil had no choice but to ignore it, yet he knew he was making it worse by not going to bed at such a late hour. He knew in times like these, sleep could usually heal his problems.

When he came back though, he kind of wished he hadn't. He re-entered the room and found Dan sifting though a box that _definitely_ belonged to Phil. A box that Dan wasn't even supposed to know existed. A box that held pretty much every romantic proof that existed between the two of them. And now, Dan's uncaring fingers were digging through their past while Dan's furrowed eyebrows showed his distaste.

He sensed Phil's appearance in the doorway behind him because Phil made a little squeak of surprise when he saw which box Dan had decided to tackle.

“What the _hell_ is this?” Dan said, his tone far more serious and angry than before.

Phil knew he should have taken that box to his room a long time ago. _How stupid was he?_ Leaving something like this for Dan to find at will? Especially when Dan was in a mood like he was tonight.

“Phil!” Dan's tone became sharper when he pulled out the drawing he had crumbled a few months back and thrown away. “Why do we still have this?”

Phil couldn't describe the tone Dan was using because he honestly never used it. It was as if Dan was masking some sort of pain with this anger. As if he were not just angry with Phil, but angry at the object he was holding.

Suddenly Phil's stomach wasn't feeling even _slightly_ okay. He swallowed and his blood ran cold.

“I-I...” Phil stumbled, wishing Dan would just stop pulling things from the box. But he was unstoppable and he kept lifting item after item. Things he had thrown out and things that he probably didn't even know Phil had kept all these years. “...I don't know. It's just old stuff.”

“ _Old stuff_ ,” Dan huffed sarcastically, his eyes rolling.

Phil stilled where he stood. He could see what Dan's fingers were about to grab next and he held his breath as Dan's eyes widened.

“Phil...” His teeth were clenched and his thumb nearly crushed the photograph he held in his hand. “You should _not_ still have this...”

Phil's stomach flipped over and he covered his mouth in case something came up his throat. He just stared at Dan with tears brimming his lids when Dan's fist crumpled the beautiful photograph of the two of them in bed, right after one of the best nights of their lives. Dan's head turned to Phil and his face was red and his eyebrows had never formed such a sharp angle in Phil's direction.

“I cannot _believe_ you, Phil.” His anger seeped through his teeth as it spit from his tongue. He shoved everything in the box and lidded it. “This is garbage.” He lifted the box and walked over to Phil who probably looked green. “It belongs in the _trash_.”

Phil knew that by _trash_ he meant _past_. He could see it in Dan's eyes. Then Dan stormed up the stairs with the box and Phil assumed that he probably went to throw it out for good. Well there went all the memories Phil had tried so hard to save...

Before long, Dan came barreling down the stairs and Phil had never seen him more angry than he was right now. His face was red and his teeth were showing. Dan's anger came in waves usually and he beat it by yelling at the top of his lungs or crushing things in his hands, but what Dan did next was literally the last thing Phil ever thought he would do. No matter how angry he got.

He stomped up to Phil and grabbed the older boy's shirt, Phil's yelp echoed through the room as Dan shoved him against a wall.

“How dare you, Phil? I thought we were past this...” He muttered, staring Phil straight in the eyes. “After all these years. I thought you could get over that _stupid_ phase.” He actually laughed, but his eyes never changed. Phil could smell his breath through his grimace. It wasn't helping his stomach at all. “It is so dangerous to have these things around! Do you know what people would think if they found these? _Do you know_ how much _shit_ we'd have to explain?” He narrowed his dark eyes again. “I can't believe you still have this box of lies...”

Now Phil was getting offended. Okay, so Dan was ashamed of his past with Phil. That's fine. But denying it altogether? That was borderline lunacy. Phil was there too. He remembered what they used to be. He remembered how they used to act. Just because they never brought it up, didn't mean it never happened.

“Do you want the internet to find out?” Dan spat. _Obviously_ not. But he highly doubted someone from the internet would come across _this_ box in _their_ house. “Do you want us to have another _incident_? Like in 2012?”

Ah. 2012. The video they never _once_ talked about. Phil was shunned for a month for absolutely no reason and there was no conversation about the living, breathing proof that was leaked accidentally on the internet. It probably only fueled Dan's paranoia and pushed Phil further from his close circle of trust. So Phil just cleaned up the mess, hiring someone to go on and remove it from the internet the best they could. He still signed paper checks to their copyright agent twice a year so it got removed.

“N-no. I just thought-”

“Well stop thinking! Let it _go_! Can't you just be happy with the present?” Dan sneered, letting go of Phil's shirt and stepping back.

Phil's stomach churned but he stood still and said nothing. He watched Dan as he spun around and pushed his hands through his tangled hair. It was best to say nothing in a time like this. Dan sighed loudly.

“Sometimes it's really hard to be your best friend, Phil.”

Now _that_ stung.

Phil didn't usually like to overanalyze, but in this case, he deemed himself allowed. Dan just phrased it “ _your best friend_.” As if Dan was only _Phil's_ best friend. As if Dan had another friend he deemed more important in status.

His stomach growled angrily and his eyes started to water. He couldn't tell if it was the ill feeling in his stomach or the emotional blow he just took, but he let his chin quiver as he stared at Dan.

The silence that followed could have made a library feel like a basketball court. The two stood in the same spot – Phil against a wall, his breathing ragged, and Dan standing with his hands on his hips in the middle of the room. But this silence only gave Phil another chance to feel his stomach turn and he knew that he had to go be horizontal. Suddenly not even the rift in their friendship could keep him standing in this room. He was either going to puke right now or go lie down. This physical stress would not do.

“My stomach really hurts...um...” Phil gulped, his voice breaking lightly. “I'm gonna go lie down.”

Dan turned around with fire in his eyes.

“Really? You're just going to leave these boxes?”

“Dan...seriously. My stomach-”

“Fine, whatever. I don't even care.”

“Sorry Dan, I just-”

“Save it. I can't do this right now. I'm going to bed,” he scowled. “I'll just tell my guests that you felt like being a shitty friend.”

Phil knew Dan was in a bad mood before he started, but he still couldn't believe how hurtful his words were. For some reason, this seemed more personal than usual. Like Dan was lashing out at him for more than just the boxes.

Before he knew it, Dan had stomped up the stairs and he actually heard Dan's bedroom door shut all the way from where he stood.

He felt faint.

Dan and he hadn't had a fight like that in a while. Their communication was good enough that when they had an issue, a screaming match wasn't necessary. This mess seemed like it was going to be harder to pick up than usual.

Which is why Phil took a moment to sit on the couch and catch his breath, making a short trip to find a few antacids and then he decided (against his stomach's will) to stay up and clean the rest of the boxes. If only to ease the guilt and not be the _shitty friend_ Dan thought he was being. He didn't know why he felt like he needed to prove that he wasn't, and perhaps it was the pressure of Jonah that made him do it, but the downstairs level was spotless by the time he was done. He even laid out blankets for Dan's friends to use while they crashed on the couch.

Phil was a good person and a good friend. No matter how complicated their past was.

He put himself to bed with a pain in his stomach and the guilt weighing his heart.

  
  


He awoke to a tiny knock on his door and he startled awake.

The first thing he noticed was that his stomach was in more pain than it had been the night before. He felt like he had ingested something rancid and he was sure his skin matched the green of his sheets. He sat up in a cold sweat and fell down again with a dizzy haze. But the only person that could be on the other side of the door was Dan so he sat up and wiped his face with his duvet, trying to look normal. He didn't want to make Dan more angry.

“Come in!” Phil yelled, his voice hoarse – which was a tell tale sign that he was ill. His voice was always the first to go.

Dan entered. He was dressed and ready for the day. But instead of his usual embraced curly hair, he had spent time straightening it. Phil didn't want to ask why but it was unusual to see the throwback hairstyle.

“Hey,” Dan started, his eyes not even bothering to meet Phil's.

“Morning.”

There was a silence, but it wasn't nearly as brutal as the night before.

“I see you unpacked everything,” Dan gestured out to the lounge. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” Phil said, his heart begging for an apology that he knew he wouldn't get. And like the zero-backboned human he was, a “Sorry” slipped out of his own mouth.

“That's okay.” Dan accepted, looking at the ground. “Just next time, don't lie about a stomach ache. That was pretty low.”

Phil was in disbelief. It was as if Dan was mentally repressing everything that happened with the items in that box, only mentioning the part where Phil “lied” about his stomach. Dan was completely in the wrong here, but Phil didn't want to fight him. If he tried to argue now, Dan would only get more angry and it was best they weren't in the middle of a feud when Dan's friends arrived.

“Okay.” Phil nodded, trying his hardest to look healthy. He really needed Dan to believe it. Even though he felt like absolute shit.

“The gang is getting here in an hour. I thought I'd let you know,” Dan changed the subject, his eyes still not meeting Phil's. Perhaps that was good. This way, Phil wouldn't give away his illness by the glassy eyes he couldn't shake. “You're coming out to lunch with us, right?”

Phil recalled agreeing to this a week ago but he wasn't so sure how well he would hold up while out of the house. But his head nodded without consent and then Dan was nodding back and shutting Phil's door, leaving him to get ready by himself.

  
  


As if the Universe was getting a kick out of Phil's misery, the gang got to their flat almost twenty minutes early and Jonah led the pack with the same flirty grace that he had showcased all those years before. He waltzed in and joked with Phil about his age and how it wasn't treating him well – not passing up the opportunity to make a remark about his ill-looking features. Next thing Phil knew, Jonah was hanging on Dan's arm, just like old times, and when the checks at lunch were distributed, it was no surprise that Dan's was taken care of. Phil muttered to himself when Jonah glanced at him, as if he were claiming something with his stupid money from his stupid office job.

Movie night didn't ease the pain, as Jonah stole the spot beside Dan and his head landed innocently on Phil's best friend's shoulder. Dan didn't even seem to notice that Jonah was hanging on his every word. Jonah would laugh as if he were a trained dog on command. Not even Phil found the comments Jonah seemed to laugh the hardest at funny. He just looked away and forced a smile.

The whole afternoon was hard to stomach, but Phil's actual organ was giving him a hard time on top of it all. It was clear that something was wrong and he had been so distracted by the obvious flirtation that he had completely forgotten about how terrible he felt. After the movie was over and Dan suggested that they all move to the kitchen and open a bottle of wine, Phil finally paid the slightest attention to the angry sounding growls that were now making him clutch his lower left side.

Well fuck.

He glanced over at Jonah who was eying his strange behavior, as if he were waiting for Phil to call it a night before pouncing on Dan like some sort of prey, and then he looked to his feet. He might as well admit defeat. It's not like Dan and he were in a good place anyway. Their chemistry had been a little off all day and if Phil was being honest, he was kind of salty about it. Sure, Phil wasn't being 100% because he was _actually_ ill, but he was doing his best. Apparently, even his best wasn't enough for Dan today.

Usually, when one of them was feeling off, the other overcompensated and was able to pick up the slack. Just so that their friendship didn't falter and thank God they could read each other so well. It made their group hang outs much easier. When one of the two seemed a little low energy, yet they still wanted to be a part of the plan, the second would just bump it up a little and pretend that everything was fine. Tonight, it seemed that at every attempt he made to start a conversation, Dan would shut it down. He wasn't letting their usual banter slip from their mouths and he held in comments that he might usually make to cover up Phil's lower-energy behavior. In fact, even when Phil tried to say something about how he was just “slightly tired” from overworking himself the night before, Dan just laughed and said “But didn't you get lots of sleep?” Completely disregarding how he must have been up half the night unpacking the boxes that Dan left him. Throwing his own sleep out the window for their friendship.

But that was exactly why Phil _couldn't_ admit defeat. If Dan so much as thought Phil was faking a stomach issue again, he would be toast. He would leave the room and Dan would roll his eyes before saying something incredibly hurtful behind his back. Phil knew. He'd seen it before. Dan Howell was not the guy you wanted to piss off. He was the guy you wanted on your side. With how fragile everything was at that moment, it seemed like a terrible idea to leave him with his friends. So for now, he would stand in the corner of the kitchen and watch Dan get eaten alive by the eyes of his old friend - until he couldn't stand it anymore.

He took the glass of wine from whomever was handing it him and he sipped it, ignoring the protest from his stomach that he most certainly should have listened to.

  
  


Only an hour later and a couple glasses down, his limit was hit. In an effort to blend in, he filled his glass with water when nobody was looking and then chugged it, pretending it was another glass of wine. Three was enough to get him a little tipsy. At least tipsy enough to need a piss.

He slammed his glass on the table – a little too loudly – and then announced his departure. Everyone nodded but continued talking as Phil stalked down the hall and into the room at the end. As soon as the door was shut, he leaned against it and swallowed. He looked across and into the mirror where he got a glimpse of his face, the one that had turned a lovely pale shade of green, his lips chapping and his eyes glazing over even more. He knew that look. He could tell it from all the times he had felt this way before. He was going to puke. He rolled his eyes at himself - and at Dan – letting himself fall to his knees. He bent over the toilet and he waited. It was coming. He was sure of it.

A minute later, he proved himself right. He let the contents of his stupid lunch sandwich fall from his throat as he heaved with distress. The wine burned a little and he winced because he knew he should have held off. He could have just had water and nobody would have cared. If it weren't for Jonah, he might not have made such a stupid decision.

It's always easier to blame your problems on someone else, isn't it?

He finished his business, splashing some water on his face and trying to clear the blotchy look that he was so clearly sporting, then he reached for the door handle and flung it open.

And was greeted with Jonah, tapping his foot against the floor and scrolling through something that looked like Reddit.

“You feeling okay, Mate?” he asked, his smile looking so genuine yet Phil knew it was entirely fake. “That didn't sound good.”

Phil grumbled, knowing that he had only a couple options here. Lie and tell Jonah that he had drank too much or tell him the truth about his stomach problems. He stuttered and sighed, rolling his eyes slightly.

“Yeah, I drank too much.”

Jonah laughed.

Great. Now Phil looked like he couldn't hold his liquor. That, or he was an irresponsible adult that couldn't tell when to stop. To be fair, that was accurate.

“Must be a product of old age. Can't keep up with us young'ins, huh?” He laughed but his tone was bitter. He had won and Phil was in no mood to fight.

“Yeah. I guess not.”

Jonah gave him a sympathy smile and pat him on the shoulder blade as he passed him, pushing himself into the bathroom. Phil just slumped and wiped his mouth, just in case something was on his face, then proceeded back into the kitchen.

Surprised to be walking into a room with just Dan, he looked around.

“Where did uh...” he cocked his head and Dan nodded.

“They went downstairs to change. We were thinking about playing a board game. You in?”

Phil could barely cut the tension in this room with the sharpest knife in their drawer. Dan hadn't even looked up from his phone to answer Phil's question. Phil didn't like the lack of eye contact and even though he could still taste the bitter from his own bile, he swallowed it and smiled.

“Of course.”

  
  


Team games were their shit. Dan and Phil could crush any number of people with their amazing telepathic skills. A game where they could team up was ideal because they would nearly never lose. A game where they were supposed to “prove how close they were” was even better. This simple best-friend question game was almost always their ploy to win game night. Whenever they suggested it, they would prove to everyone that they were the two best-est friends that could ever be. That is, unless one of them isn't feeling that great. And tonight, they weren't doing so hot. It was Jonah who suggested it actually and Phil was kind of insulted that Dan tried to change his mind. But the fucker wasn't having it. He wanted to play and Phil almost cheered aloud when Dan shrugged but picked Phil as his partner. That was the one move tonight where Phil didn't feel like a loser. Jonah huffed about it, but now they were losing and he looked even happier. Whether that was because Phil was feeling completely incapable of thinking straight or because Dan and Phil had fought the night before, Jonah and his team mate were winning the game by a landslide and Dan was being the opposite of a graceful loser.

Of course, once they were halfway through the game and the chance of the two winning was at best slim, Dan started pouting. He would throw shade in Phil's direction for nearly no reason at all. Usually it came out at playful jabs but today the knives were sharper. They felt more personal. Like they were meant as a sign of dominance. Or a threat. As though Dan were trying to prove himself.

The combination of Phil's already upset stomach, his lack of sleep and his so-called best friend jabbing him at every chance, caused Phil's fuse to get shorter. He was just about done. And when Dan rolled the dice and picked up a card that read “What is your partner's biggest flaw?”, Phil knew he was in for a killing. Dan didn't so much as smile as he threw the card down on the table and nodded. He looked Phil directly in the eyes and said “you're incapable of letting things go.”

Phil's eye twitched.

His stomach growled and his lip quivered.

That was it.

He gave Dan a pity smile, nodding and balling his fists at his sides. He looked at the people in the room with that same smile and then he looked to his lap. He felt the anger from the night before as it hit him in the face. Clearly Dan wasn't actually over it. How could he be? The last time they had a fight like this, Dan didn't come around for a long while. He might as well gear up for another one of those.

He let out a huff of defeat and he looked up at Dan again, already picturing how Dan was going to react to what he was about to say.

“Sorry guys, my stomach really hurts. I think I'm coming down with something.” Dan's smile fell, as expected. “I'm gonna turn in early.”

There was a silence, as if the others couldn't tell whether that was in reaction to the jab or if he was being serious. It didn't matter though because Dan's face said it all. He was looking at Phil as if he were making the biggest mistake of his life. And maybe he was. But he wasn't going to sit there and take this abuse for any longer. His stomach hurt, his head was spinning and Jonah was grinning at him like he had just won the lottery. Phil slowly stood and he nodded, mumbling a little sorry and clutching his stomach as he exited the living room.

Before he could register the “be right back” that came from the other room, he was being grabbed in the arm by Dan himself. The boy had followed him into the hallway and was now not letting him move. Phil tried to wriggle away but his younger friend wasn't having it.

“What do you want from me?” Phil asked, his voice sounding just as broken as he felt.

“What the hell, Phil?” Dan ignored his question. “We need to win! You can't just quit!”

“I _can_ and I really don't feel well. Can I just-”

“No! You can't just leave! That was really rude,” Dan's eyebrows furrowed. “What am I supposed to tell them?”

Phil closed his eyes and leaned against the wall.

“That I'm sick and need to rest.”

“We both know that's bullshit.”

Who the hell was Dan Howell to tell him that his feelings were bullshit?

“You're just upset because I called you out,” Dan claimed, shaking his head. “You should have thought of that before you kept that stupid box of things.”

Phil opened his eyes and blinked back at Dan in disbelief.

“Lighten up, Phil. You know I was joking.” He claimed, in reference to his quote from earlier. “I'm sorry if it seemed too real.”

Oh so now he was sorry. Now that his honor was in jeopardy.

“I need you. C'mon Phil. We can win this.”

Phil was angry, his stomach hurt and all he wanted to do was knock himself out and sleep the pain away. But now Dan was standing there with his chocolate brown eyes, asking him to stay. Phil was tired of fighting and if Dan was going to calm down, perhaps he could stick out the rest of the night. If at least the rest of the game. He slumped and gave Dan a look of defeat, fueling the smirk on the other boy's face, only to receive a slap on the back.

“Great! Now let's go win that game!”

Phil followed Dan into the lounge and tried to listen as Dan gave some excuse about how Phil had been joking and that this was a game they liked to play when it was just the two of them.

Two more question cards passed and Phil was beginning to slump. He felt his face turn the color of a faded green chalkboard, only to look up and lock eyes with Jonah. His dark brown eyes threw Phil back to the days where Dan was his. He could feel Dan's presence beside him now and couldn't help but notice how much further he was than he used to be. Jonah's eyes reminded him of how platonic they had become and how he still held onto the letters and the evidence because he was afraid of letting go. Ultimately, Dan was right. Phil didn't want to let go. But it wasn't his fault that he still saw a glimpse of the old Dan beneath the skin of the new. It wasn't his fault that he might still be in love with the younger boy that didn't love him back. And it certainly wasn't his fault that Jonah's eyes made him sick to his stomach.

And before Jonah's partner could even complete his question, Phil's stomach angrily twisted and decided to reveal its contents to everyone in the room. Phil wished he could stop it from happening – mostly because he really liked that game and now it was totally ruined – but also because he wasn't a graceful upchuck-er. He tried to turn his head but his throat opened and the last thing he remembered before passing out, was Dan's face full of regret.

  
  


Phil was awoken from an unusually disorienting set of nightmares, only to be greeted by the man of his worries. Dan was gently shaking him and if he weren't so sick, he might of slept through it. However, with his luck lately, Dan probably needed him for something.

Couldn't he just leave Phil be? He could deal with this whole friendship mess later. For now, he just wanted to rest.

Yet when his slitted eyes finally found the courage to land upon the other boy's face, there was a different light behind his eyes. This one more wary than usual. Phil immediately closed his eyes again because he couldn't let Dan do what he so often was able, which was distracting Phil with his charm. Phil would fall for anything Dan pulled and that's what got him into this mess in the first place. He groaned a little and tossed his head to the side and told Dan to fuck off – wordlessly of course.

“Hey. Phil. Wake up.” Dan was chanting quietly and Phil then realized that maybe he had just fallen asleep again. He didn't know. He was too busy nursing his own throbbing head. “Phil please. I brought you some tea.”

Dan brought him some tea? Well that was awfully nice of him.

Phil allowed his eyes to open, directing his gaze onto the side table where indeed a mug of tea steamed beside him. There was even a little saucer with cookies sitting next to it. His stomach didn't lurch uncomfortably at the thought of eating them and Phil figured that was a good sign. He let his head face Dan's again and he opened his eyes to see a very nervous Dan Howell sitting on the side of his bed.

“Thanks.” Phil smiled with as little effort as possible, his eyes shutting again.

There was an agonizing moment of silence that Phil could have used to fall back asleep again, but he chose to stay awake because Dan wasn't leaving.

Why wasn't he leaving?

“There are also some cookies...you know...for your stomach,” Dan added nervously.

“Yeah.” Phil could see that. “Thanks.”

Another long silence.

“Why didn't you tell me that you were sick?”

…

Phil was gonna kill this man.

His eyes shot open and he looked Dan in the eye, about ready to throw up again. This time on Dan's pretty fucking face.

“Are you kidding me?” Phil accused, his mouth forming a straight line and his brows furrowing. He was in danger of biting a hole into his cheek with how hard he was grimacing.

Dan seemed startled by the response, then his face kind of went red and his body crumbled into himself. Phil wasn't expecting that. Dan put his face in his hands and shook his head.

“Sorry...sorry, I know. I guess I mean...” Dan's voice turned into a quiet mumble. “Why didn't I _listen_...?”

Well that, Phil couldn't answer.

Dan's face didn't leave his palms for a moment. His body was slumped over and Phil couldn't help but notice that Dan hadn't looked this vulnerable in years. Not since he was still a teenager. Not since before he changed everything about their relationship.

Phil never liked awkward silences and it was his nature to fill them. Even when the words that came out of his mouth weren't true. “I understand. You were mad...”

“No, Phil. That's not an excuse.” His tone was defeated and Phil honestly didn't know how to interpret it. This was a first. Dan's entire being was surrounded by a nervous air and he wasn't so sure how to react. The only thing he could relate this to was one of Dan's existential crises. Usually those happened while lying vertical on the hallway carpet. Last time Phil checked, they were alone in _his_ room and _Phil_ was the one in the compromising position.

That's when Phil realized that they were actually completely alone.

“W-wait. Where's Jonah and-”

“I sent them home.”

“What?” Phil closed his eyes. His head hurt way too much for this. “Why?”

Now it was Dan's turn to stare at Phil like he had three heads.

“Because you aren't feeling well...” He spoke as if that were obvious.

I guess it made sense. Phil didn't want to get anyone else sick.

“...and I wouldn't want you to miss out on the weekend.” Dan finished. “We can reschedule.”

“Oh joy.” Phil rolled his eyes and slumped. So Dan didn't want him to miss out of an entire weekend where Jonah hung from his arm and killed Phil over and over with his stare?

Dan said nothing, which was uncharacteristic of him, especially since Phil just insulted his friends. Phil took the moment of silence to shift himself to his side where he could curl up a little bit more. Even when he accidentally hit Dan in the back with his knee, the younger boy still didn't move. Most of the time, Phil made it a point to solve problems right away instead of letting them fester over a night's rest, but right now he just wanted to sleep. The rift in their relationship could wait.

“I'm so sorry, Phil.”

The words seemed to come from nowhere. They were muffled because Dan's face was in his hands once again. There were a million reasons why Dan could be sorry. Was he sorry for snapping? Was he sorry for leaving Phil to clean their lower level? Was he sorry for being cold the past 24 hours? Was he sorry for sticking around when Phil clearly just wanted to be alone? Phil hated himself for even asking, but he honestly wasn't sure, “What for?”

Dan sighed and when he looked up from his hands, turning his gaze to Phil's eyes for the first time in minutes, he looked a wreck. Phil noticed the tears brimming his lids and if he wasn't such a petty bastard, he might have felt sorry. But Phil has stood before Dan with the same kind of look and received nothing but a glare before. What made Dan think he got special treatment?

“I'm so stupid, Phil. I'm incredibly stupid.” Dan blubbered, his voice cracking. With each statement Phil was getting more and more confused. It wasn't like Dan to cry like this. It wasn't like Dan to even say he's sorry. Phil wasn't complaining, but he was slightly concerned. What did Dan think he did?

“It's so fucked up.” Dan explained. “What I've done to you.”

Well shit.

“I have been a really terrible friend and...and I have no idea how to fix this.”

Phil decided that if he didn't say something now, Dan might break into a panic attack, which was the opposite of what Phil wanted to deal with right now.

“No...it's okay. You're fi-”

“No! Stop saying that! It's not okay. We both know it's not okay.” Dan was sitting up now. His body took on a defensive stance as if he were ready for battle. But this time, he didn't look ready to fight Phil; he looked ready to fight himself. “I was so mad at you yesterday and I owe you an explanation.”

“Dan-”

“Please Phil. Just listen to me for a second...” Dan begged, his voice low, yet still impossible to talk over. Phil shut his mouth and let him go on, his eyes fixed on Dan's reddened cheeks. “I need to tell you this now or I might never get the courage to say it again.” He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at the ceiling. “I know I was a dick to you all those years ago. And I never properly apologized. So...I'm really sorry about what I did to you. I was so...” He swallowed. “I was so _scared_ back then. I was scared of losing you. But I knew if we never dated, than we couldn't break up...and so once things started getting serious and you started talking about-”

Phil watched Dan hesitate, his brown eyes shutting as his memory most likely reminded him of words Phil had used all those years ago. “Future” “Love” “Boyfriend”. That must have been pretty scary as a 19 year old kid.

“...what we were...” Dan chose his words carefully. “I told myself I couldn't let it happen. So for an entire two years I only let us be friends. I made sure of it. No matter how much my gut told me not to.” Dan's eyes returned to Phil and he almost looked like he didn't want to make contact, but it was necessary for what he was about to say. “I did love you, Phil. I loved you so much. Hell...I still love you....”

Phil blushed crimson.

“But I was so terrified that I was going to lose you that...” He looked down. “...that I didn't even notice that I already had.”

He stood from the bed and Phil could feel the warmth that was leftover in the spot he was sitting. Phil watched as he started pacing.

“I threw away all that stuff when we moved because I was hoping the feelings would go with it...that I could just, remove those objects and everything would fade from my memory. And for a while, it worked. The whole, _out of sight out of mind_ thing...but it turns out that doesn't work long term. It turns out, it only makes you remember more.”

He said all this with a tone of sadness that Phil had never heard come from Dan. It was like a rich chocolate that you could only get on the rarest of occasions.

“But then you told me that we needed to talk and I was so angry with myself that I panicked and told you the opposite of what I wanted you to hear. You basically told me that I broke your heart and all I could do was call you _delusional_...” Dan sounded so disappointed in himself. “And I knew I just hurt you more. But to make me feel less guilty...I went with it. I pretended that I didn't have any idea what we used to be, even though every night I would lie on the other side of the wall and think about how much I wanted to be lying with you.”

At this point, Phil was shocked. He hadn't known any of this. But it made sense.

“I missed all those nights we spent together and the three hour breakfasts...” Dan admitted, his voice soft. “And then I found that box...”

Now it was Phil's turn to feel bad. He had deliberately taken all of those things from the trash and kept them, only for Dan to find the box and shove the memories back into his face. Phil never knew that Dan found them so painful.

Before Phil could manage an apology of his own, Dan stopped pacing, bit his lip and dug into his jean pocket, pulling out a very crumpled up photo. The exact photo that seemed to have set him off the night before. He un-crumbled it and looked down, as if he were re-living the memory.

“This was one of the happiest moments of my life, Phil...” Dan admitted, as if he knew that Phil felt the exact same way. “I took one look at this the other night and everything came back. Like we took it just yesterday...”

Phil swallowed the lump in his throat.

“And I didn't know how to tell you that I fucked it all up. I'm the entire reason that we couldn't stay together. I was just too scared to have a real relationship with real feelings and real stakes. I can't believe you stuck around me for so long...and for the longest time I thought it was because you were still in love with me too and you couldn't see how horrible I had been. But then we started getting closer and suddenly I blinked again and we were closer than we were before...” Dan cleared his throat. “Maybe not physically...” He started pacing again. “...but I was so comfortable around you and I started thinking about how stupid I was. How incredibly ungrateful I must have been...to give up someone like you for my own lonesome sorrows. God I'm such a dick...”

Phil couldn't believe what he was hearing, yet at the same time, it was all so believable. He saw it in Dan's eyes. The way he looked at Phil. Like he was constantly trying to hide something. Even the other night, he looked so hurt behind all that anger. Phil could tell that he wasn't lying about this. Something about it seemed so real. So completely honest.

“I'm so so sorry, Phil. I am so ashamed...” Dan's voice cracked again and he stopped his pacing once more. This time, he was facing away from Phil and the older boy could sense that he must have been crying. Phil would be too if he weren't so shocked. “I was a different person all those years ago and I just...I don't know what to do to fix this. How do I show you that I'm sorry?”

Another silence filled the room, but this time Phil didn't read it as awkward or tense. He could feel how much the other boy felt for him. He could see the pain he must be exuding.

“I mean, hell, I don't even know if you feel the same way...” Dan mumbled. “For all I know, you don't even like me as a friend. I've been so terrible to you that I wouldn't be surprised if-”

“Dan.”

Phil's voice sounded so foreign to his own ears. He was getting so used to Dan's; letting it melt into his ears as it usually did.

Dan quieted himself, yet he didn't turn around.

“Dan I could never not like you.” Phil reassured, knowing the younger boy needed to hear something of the sort. Otherwise he might slink away into a hole of self doubt and worry. “Come here.”

Dan stiffened, but after a few seconds he complied and he walked over to the bed, sitting where he sat before. This time, more delicately. Phil reached out and took the photograph from Dan's nervous hands, pulling it close to his face. He didn't have his glasses on and he wasn't about to ruin the moment to ask where they were.

“This was such a great night,” Phil laughed. “I remember that you got some sort of sticky stuff in your hair and we couldn't figure out if it was leftover icing or-”

Phil stopped himself with a cough, glad that he didn't finish the sentence. He saw Dan smile in the corner of his eye. Even if it was a blurry mess.

Phil put the photo on the side table and returned his gaze to his best friend.

“Dan...I could never not love you,” Phil admitted, not trying to draw out the confession. He knew how much those words meant to Dan right now. “I love you so much. Why the hell do you think I kept that box?”

Dan shrugged.

“Because I wanted to save every last memory. I never wanted to let go. I was so worried you had just thrown away that chapter of your life. Left it behind to be lost forever,” Phil smiled. “I'm incapable of letting things go...remember?”

Dan kind of chuckled but he shook his head.

Phil reached out and grabbed Dan's hand, which startled him.

“Can you...just...clarify one thing for me?” Phil asked, his voice suggesting that he was about to be treading in dangerous waters. He just needed to hear it from Dan one more time. Just so he knew for sure. Dan nodded and Phil paused. “Are you saying that you still want to be with me, Dan Howell?”

Dan didn't say anything for a long time. His face was as still as stone and his features were impossible to read. But Dan had given him everything tonight. The least Phil could do was lend him some patience.

“...yes.” Dan said slowly. His hands started wringing and he picked up the photograph to keep his wanting hands busy. “But I'm so scared.”

The second part of his sentence was so quiet that Phil wasn't even sure he heard correctly. But his heart heard it. Dan was terrified. He didn't want to lose Phil.

But that was good news. Because Phil was incapable of letting Dan go.

Phil gave Dan a comforting smile and with that he noticed that his headache wasn't too bad anymore. He still felt like if he got up he would throw up everything, but his relief was making it a lot easier to cope.

“Don't be scared...” Phil spoke softly, his eyes closing. “You're so brave.”

Phil could see it now. How much Dan had grown. How much he had changed all these years. He had been so young and naive. Their time together as friends had helped Dan become the man who sat before him today. The one that was telling him that he was honestly sorry. Phil could not have been more proud.

“Really?” Dan asked, his old timid nature showing through his newfound confidence.

“Yes.” Phil confirmed with a grin. “I love you so much.”

Dan's face broke into a grin and his cheeks flushed. There was a moment where neither knew what to do and Phil so desperately wished that he could sit up and kiss the smile off Dan's face. For the first time in nearly 7 years.

But he was sick and he wasn't about to give Dan the plague, so he laughed to himself and nodded.

“I guess we can save the kiss for when I feel better...” Phil joked, knowing that Dan was probably thinking the same thing. Their awkward chuckles blended and Phil didn't know he missed it so much until now. “And uh...I hate to say I told you so...but next time, if I say my stomach hurts, please don't make me play any games...”

Dan laughed but his eyes glistened with an apology. He was sorry. Phil knew it. Plus, he had admitted far more than Phil expected today. He was off the hook.

“Okay...but hear me out...” Dan argued playfully. “I didn't want that asshole winning.”

Phil blinked.

“What asshole?”

“Jonah!”

Phil cocked an eyebrow.

“Wait...”

“Phil, you don't actually think I like that guy, do you?” Dan looked at _Phil_ like he was crazy. As if it had been obvious. Dan waited for a moment and then threw his head back in laughter. “God, Jonah is a bloody asshat! I only told him he could come over because I wanted to shove it into his face how much happier I ended up.”

“Oh...” Phil chuckled nervously. “Really?”

“Yeah. That guy is always breathing down my neck because he knows I fancy you,” Dan shrugged. “I told him years ago when he came on to me.”

Phil's mouth dropped.

“You told _Jonah_ and you couldn't even tell me?” Phil shoved Dan with his knee while they both laughed. “God he _is_ an asshat.”

“Yeah...I won't have him round anymore. I promise.” Dan smiled and pat Phil on the leg as he stood. “Now heal up. I want to have that sweet sweet _getting back together_ sex with the man I've been lusting after for years.”

Phil sighed and fell back against his pillow as Dan left the room, leaving Phil with half a headache and another problem he'd have to sleep off.

 


End file.
